Few punch lines

[Shrek]

The quickest way to a man's heart is not through the stomach but through his chest, with an axe.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
If you think sex is a pain in the ***, try different position.
Blow your mind, smoke gunpowder.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Due to management cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will now be switched off.
Sex is like air, it isn't important unless you aren't getting any.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road!"
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids are nothing to look at either.
I tried to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes it comes alone.
A man is not complete until he has a wife. After that, he's finished.
One measure of a mans success is that he can afford to drink both whisky and port wine which are older than he is.

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Giggle for healthy life
From:GigglePedia.com